phew. 2016 was just one of those years. a total doozy. amiright? i mean, there were some real lows, but luckily some real fun to break it up (thank goodness there was some FUN!). and then it ended with quite a bang for me personally. and even though sudden, it really is positive. i’m looking at 2017 as a year of reinvention. a year of fearlessness. and a year of just really owning it – failures and all. i won’t go into it all right now, because i’m not even close to figuring it all out. but i figure i’ll share as i start to explore. the bad stuff, the good stuff. the ups and downs. cool?
last year i kind of lost myself. it happened over time, and the main driver of that was my job. i took the job a couple years ago because of the salary and the flex schedule. it wasn’t demanding on my time, or brain, for that matter. and if you know me, that lack of a challenge just slowly killed me. bit by bit it ate away at my self confidence and motivation. the rational side of me just kept pushing on, because there was some freedom that came along with it. but the rest of me was just dying. on top of all that, there was a very toxic situation going on at work. so it wasn’t just the lack of inspiration and challenge, there was someone who was attacking me on a regular basis. some real abusive shit, that i’d never dealt with before. and, i don’t use those terms lightly.
so i left. quit my corporate gig. what a huge relief that was. as soon as i made the decision, i knew it was right. a huge weight off my shoulders. i mean, other anxiety cropped up, because it brings on other, different, stress. but i knew i couldn’t be there one more day. i want to surround myself with good people with good energy. if you’re not, i don’t have a place for you. i mean, what’s the friggin’ point?! no one’s got time for that!
my husband, chris, was and is fully supportive. he pulled the logic out (paycheck, etc) and reminded me what is really important. it was such a hard leap to take, but it’s because of him that i did.
now what? man, it’s not totally clear. i know i’m not going to jump and look for a full-time job right away. maybe i’ll never go back to the corporate gig. yet, my salary wasn’t one that we won’t miss. we will. we totally will. but it also means we no longer need full-time care for our youngest (save some $ ya’ll), so i get to spend some more time with felix. and no more after-school programs needed for remy, he can take the bus home. we might feel some slower mornings and evenings. which sounds kind of like magic to me.
i just feel so lucky that i get to take a step back and reassess things a bit. learn new things. maybe get to focus on being creative a little more. I want to do more of that. more styling. more writing. more photography. but it’s legit scary. but i guess anything unplanned is. here we go!